First | Part four

She lost herself looking out the front window. The wet and dark asphalted road was rolling fast beneath and the bright shine from the streetlights reflected in the water and created a beautiful lightshow. The stereo provided with a barely hearable harmonic background song. As the world outside flew by, time seemed to have stopped inside the car. Fiona recoiled herself from her trance and looked up at her man. He meet her eyes in the rearview mirror, they locked eye contact for a few intense second before he broke away and focused back on the road. In wanting to be as close to him as possible Fiona rather ungracefully moved herself to the front passenger seat.

“What happened?” She stammered

He fumbled in his pockets and pulled up a packet of Marlboro Red, put one to the lips and lit it. He exhaled a cloud of smoke and answered her shortly, “Can´t talk about it.”

“Can´t talk about it! I was there, I have every right to know!” she shouted back at him, more disappointed than furious.

“You shouldn’t have followed me” he retorted coldly whilst continuing to fill the car with lung shrinking smoke.

“I followed you because I care for you” she said at the verge of tears.

“You should´ve trust me to not do anything immoral” he said, not even glancing back at her.

“You kill people. I´m not sure of where your morals lay” she stated whilst making her window roll down.

“That’s my job. I need to follow my bosses’ orders, I need to do my duty as his employee and all that it involves in order to provide for me and YOU” “I do it for US” he said firmly.

“What if your boss would tell you to do something that would really hurt me personally?” she asked with a lump in her throat.

“He wouldn’t. We´re like a family at work, we show respect and we don’t kid around with personal life” he answered her.

“I bet your boss would fancy his employees’ not to have personal baggage weighing them down” she said, staring out the window.

“Maybe. Probably, but he´s aware of that that’s a rare trait amongst people, and in this world we´re living in he can’t afford to be too picky”. He finished off his cigarette and tossed it out her open window.

That night she fell asleep next to the man she was supposed to love but still felt lonelier than ever. Her thoughts kept her awake and she didn’t manage to get much sleep at all.

The morning came and awoke them both with its brightening beams breaking in between the curtains, which intentions was to keep the light out.

Dazed from being newly woken, Fiona had forgotten all of the previous night events and snuggled up against Jack´s back. He turned and affectionately planted a soft kiss on the top of her head. Fiona’s hands felt up and down his exposed, toned torso whilst her lips found his. “Always so eager to please” Jack chuckled. His sweet and utterly charming chuckle. “How could anyone resist a man like you?” she whispered huskily. He grunted as answer and pressed her down into mattress as he climbed on top of her, eagerly planting kisses all over her pale flesh. For a short moment they both lived in a world of bliss and peace, in a world where the time seemed to have stopped. In just a few minutes reality would catch on to them and it´s bitter taste would hit them like a punch to the face.

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First | Part three

He drew a deep breath, bracing for impact. But all she did was to break down in a puddle on the floor. Her petite frame shook as she cradled her knees against her chest and cried viciously. He carefully bent down to check on her, gently resting his hand on her shoulder and rubbing it lightly. Her sobbing calmed down as he spoke reassuring words to her with a soothing tone of voice and then he tilted her chin up and wiped the residue of her salty tears away with his parched thumb. She didn’t know what to make of herself and she didn’t know what to believe and what not to. His face came intimately close to hers which made her drew scanty breaths, even though she didn’t get much air down her lungs she could still taste the smell of him through her opened mouth.

“Nothing happened; you have nothing to worry ´bout” he whispered to her face, using all his willpower to keep the anger suppressed. “I have a new co-worker whom happens to be of the female sex and she also happens to wear a lot of strong scented perfume” he continued. “I have no interest in her whatsoever and if you truly loved me you would trust me by my words when I tell you that there´s nothing funny going on, my relation with this woman is strictly professional” he finished and drew away, still having his eyes locked with hers.

“Relation” she stammered unsurely, flushed and eyes wide open.

“We work together, you could call her my business partner” he retorted dryly.

He could tell by the look on her eyes that that didn’t make things better, so he decided to add a few stretched truths to his story in order to ease the mind of this ditzy dame.

“She´s merely temporary. She soon will have outlived her usefulness and when all her resources are wasted and there´s no point in keep her around anymore she will be disposed in a black body bag down the river” he added.

Fiona´s eyes lit up and she proceeded to throw her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.

“Yeah yeah get off me will ya´” he muttered at her display of affection whilst trying to bend her grip of him.

“But still. I´m worried, you´ll probably spend a lot of time with this chick” she thought out loud.

“Why can´t you just trust me? Who do you think I am some desperate two-timing douche” he shouted angrily. She winced and bit her lip as her cheek stung and flushed from the force of his the back of his hand being slapped across her face. Some leftover tears trickled down her cheek. He stared at her with a stone cold face expression.

“Why can´t you trust me?” he said, his voice sounding almost desperate.

“I do, I do trust you. I´m sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted as I did” she retorted with a hint of pleading in her tone.

Reality slowly hit her; he would never cheat on her. He was a man of honour and respect. He would never betray her like that.

He spent the rest of the day ignoring her existence. She was used to that though, he was a very busy man and hadn’t time to waste on insignificant factors. The thing was that when he very well spent his time on her, it made her feel special. She meant that if you overuse whatever it will finally lose its meaning and turn to empty air. She suddenly heard the front door open and then slam shut and went over to look out the window facing their driveway, she saw him leave in is black grand escalade; his work car. She was used to him leaving at sketchy hours, he really didn’t have any set working hours; his work was an on call type of job. An unnerving feeling crept upon her. He would always tell her when he left even after their worst fights.

She acted without second thought on her first impulses and rushed down the stairs, almost tripping over her own feet. She was bored and had nothing better to do so she decided to stalk her man. She told herself it´s was solely because of the strange behaviour he put on this evening by leaving her without notice. She told herself it was because she wanted to check so he was okay and her actions was definitely not steered by jealousy, even though she deep inside knew that getting out of trouble basically was part of his job description.

She grabbed the keys to their second or third car (she didn’t keep track) from the bowl and rushed to the garage. The ceiling lamps lit up as she slammed her hand down on the switch and after a few seconds the large area bathed in a pale industrial light. She pressed the button on the key to unlock and locate her choice of vehicle. A Smokey grey Mercedes S-klasse flashed at the back and she went over. As she drove out and away she realised that she had no idea of where he might have gone. She didn’t slow down instead she pushed the pedal further down touching the metal and raced down the street. Her subconscious guided the way and she found herself outside of a (seen through unknowing eyes) abounded warehouse where she knew he and his “co-workers” usually hung out.

She parked the car around the back and stepped out into the cold night. She paused and inhaled the cold night air, let it contaminate her lungs and escape into the dark in the form of steam. She took a moment to think about her hasted decision, why and what was she doing here?

A sudden smashing sound broke her out of her thoughts and she froze in horror as two large shapes rushed out of the building, heading towards her. They didn’t seem to notice her and ran straight past her. One of the running men clumsily dropped a dense and metallic sounding object, it thudded against the grass and lay there unnoticed. Fiona picked it up and directly recognised it as a gun.

All of a sudden she could tell a very much well know character leaping out, as being chased by something. It was her man; her partner and lover. She wanted to scream his name but quickly caught on and understood not add danger to the situation. A large body, sunk in shadow followed out of the same escape way as the ones before. It caught eye contact with her and she freaked. It didn’t look away and seemed to get more intense as time went by. It seemed to look right into her soul and sent icing terror flooding trough her veins. In the light from the moon she could tell something metallic reflecting as it elevated and came to height with her. Without taking orders from her brain that now had shut off, her arm automatically raised the gun at him and pulled the trigger. Things blackened before her eyes and she could hear a distant scream in the background, it almost sounded as it came from below waters. She woke confused and dizzy, she sensed movement but there were nothing carrying her. She raised her head and slowly got her upper body steadied on her elbows and then she discovered she was in a moving car. Even in almost complete darkness she recognised the interior and scent of the car, it was their car and to her great relief it was her man driving.

“Good morning” he jokingly said. There was something underlying in his tone of voice that told her he was not in an easy mood, even though the words implied something else.

“Uhm, what´s going on?” she asked with a raspy, newly woken voice.

He kept his eyes focused on the road and left her question unanswered.

 

First | Part two

After a quick visit to the kitchen she got back to the bedroom carrying two steaming hot cups of freshly brewed, black coffee. She sat back down on the bed, handed over his coffee and then they both proceeded to slowly sipping their coffees in silence.

Her thoughts began to race and try to make some sense out of the last twenty-four hours. The stress and anxiety began to attack her mind and she decided it was best to just let it go. The events of yesterday wasn´t something new, it was nothing that hadn´t happened before and she knew by years of experience that thinking things over in this situation wasn´t going to do any good. Yet sometimes she felt the need to stop and wonder, was it worth the pain? For how long is she expected to put up with this? Is there anything better out there waiting for her, something big and great she´s missing out on? She didn’t fully know the answer these questions but she always came to the conclusion that it was worth it. She loved him, deeply, and even how hard she or anybody else tried to prove the opposite she would always end up falling back on him. She couldn’t let him go, she would never give up on him because you don’t give up on the things you love. You don’t give up on the ones you love even if they´re full of flaws, you learn to accept the flaws. You learn to love the flaws; you learn to love every single molecule of their being.

After she´d finished her cup she broke the silence by asking: “How´d ya sleep?” Her words came out surprisingly smooth for being the second thing said in the morning.

The man continued sipping his coffee and seemed to neglect her existence. She stared down into her mug and nervously twiddled her fingers around the stained porcelain ear.

“Fine” he finally answered.

“That´s good” she retorted bluely with her head hanging low, eyes fixed on the black coffee-grounds at the bottom of her cup.

He scuffed closer and carefully wrapped his arms around her, tenderly kissing her cheek as she leaned back against him. In his embrace she felt safe, with his strong arms protecting her petite form she felt secure and all the anxiety provoking thoughts that previously weighed her down seemed to lift off and float away.

“What´s bothering you sweets?” he asked gently. “I wanna´ see your big, bright smile shine for me” he continued happily.

“I just hate it when we fight. I don´t want us to be mad at each other” she retorted, slowly lifting her head to gaze into his bright blue eyes.

“Oh but do you know how to go about easing my anger” he asked, with a slightly teasing tone. She slowly turned her head back and forth. Without warning he crushed her down on the bed, straddling her waist and keeping both of her wrists locked in an iron grip above her head. “It´s rather easy” he whispered to her ear as he let his free hand travel teasingly slow alongside her ribcage, feeling her Goosebumps and the soft baby hairs that now began to rise. He couldn’t help grinning at her expression; her big eyes were locked with his in a wide open stare of something he by experience could recognise as an exited fear. In moments like this she was, according to him, as most beautiful. He loved her like this; at his mercy, unable to fight back. Suddenly he dug down and began to tickle her madly. Her body snaked beneath him in a helpless attempt to free itself but this act only made his grip tighter and his torture more merciless. As he got to the neck her eyes began to tear and she shamefully begged for her release. He chuckled as he loosened his grip let her pull back from him, freed from him. He couldn´t manage to wipe the smile of his face as he saw her glowing face, all lit up and dressed with a wide smile. “See I told you, it wasn´t too hard” he said whilst looking back at her with a calm but content expression on his face.

The minute after, he was up and about; hurriedly getting ready to head out. He didn’t speak a word to her and the only goodbye she got was the loud sound of the front door being thrown closed after he left.

As the front door, later that afternoon, opened a smell of women’s perfume and cheap cigarettes followed the man whom entered. Fiona greeted her man by throwing herself at him as if she hadn’t seen him for ages. She had longed for his return ever since he left after the moment they shared that morning. As she was hugging him tightly and nuzzling the crook of his neck she soon caught up with the smell and then quickly drew herself away. Her eyes stared up at him from under her furrowed brows and then he instinctively backed away as he saw a shadow of anger and upset flicker past her gaze.

First | Part one

She took a deep breath. Tears were trickling down her cheeks as her heart crashed and sunk to the bottom of her chest. Tonight´s sudden events had left her feeling lost and misplaced. She didn’t know what to make of herself, she truly felt lost. Lost without him, all alone and vulnerable.

This wasn´t the first time they had fought. Their relationship had never been fully functional, a feud between them was as common as sawdust around an active sawmill. But this time things had escalated and now she was standing there, soaking up the rain from above, nowhere to go and utterly terrified. She looked back at the house she once had called home; it oozed of welcoming warmth. She hesitated at first but then decided to turn back. Scared for her life she pushed down the handle and gently pushed the door open. She took a short second to gather courage before stepping in. A tense silent coated the atmosphere. The sound from him clearing his throat broke the silence and made her jump from the floor. She was sure her heart had stopped and her mind had shut off in defense from the terror she felt. The shock and terror she felt became obvious on her face and whilst stammering nonsense she slowly walked backwards, stupidly cornering herself against. The man seemed to be calm and chuckled as he analyzed her vivid reaction.

“So you came back huh?” “I know you would calm down and gather your senses. I´m glad it didn’t take you too long.” The man spoke in a forcibly soft voice.

She couldn’t bare herself to speak, not even a yelp could be squeezed out.

He pushed her up against the wall, placing both hands firmly on her hips. She gazed into his stern eyes and melted into his embrace. His lips found their way to her neck and as the tip of his tongue traced her bare skin she couldn’t hold back the moan escaping from her parted lips. Before she knew it she was mauling at his mouth and clothes where hastily coming off. His big and strong hands where sliding up her waist, exploring the curves of her body with an eager lust. Her mind was floating above the clouds as she was lost in the pure ecstasy of his love. Everything was forgiven and what was not forgiven was forgotten.

She woke up by the bright daylight seeking it´s way in through the broken blinds. His back was facing her. His bone skinny and pale back. There were countless scars and markings covering his entire body and the back was no exception. She never minded the scars; they were a part of him and would always be. She minded the people who´d given him the scars. But it was his way of living life and he would never change that. Not for no one, not even himself. He stirred as she reached out to touch him and she instinctively withdrew her hand. He turned and looked at her with sleepy eyes and muttered something under his breath before going back to sleep.

“Good morning darling” she whispered kindly as she planted a soft kiss on his forehead.

“I told you to go get some coffee” he grunted whilst shoving her away.

She rose with a smile on her face, pulled on a stray sweater from the floor and walked out of the bedroom, happily making her way to the kitchen.